Sunday, October 17, 2010
I was recently at a seminar on using a strap on. It was interesting but the person giving it wasn't prepared for an audience that had some experience already so a lot of the lecture quickly devolved into jokes and glossing over information (a lot of which I wish had been covered). There was a Q and A. I asked a about chafing and that is where things went south. One I have a lisp. Two the presenter is moderately in shape and I am really really really not. In fact, I am fat. Between my lisp and the presenter's lack of understanding about chafing and heat rash, well, I got very embarrassed and felt rather like the fool for having raised my hand at all. If anything, my confidence level about using my strap on is worse now than it was before the seminar. *sigh*
I haven't used a cock much though the idea of using one is a tremendous turn on. It feels natural to look down and see it/feel it there. Of course, I can't actually feel the silicone as a part of my body but I have a pretty good imagination and that does the job, mostly. I haven't had many partners to play with and the fat factor causes some level of trepidation.
TheRotund has a wonderful post about taking care of yourself in the heat and that includes heat rash. What if I wanted to wear my cock for several hours while we are out and I get heat rash or my skin chafes? I've had that happen to me actually. I was so embarrassed that instead of telling her that I was wearing my cock for her that night, I went out to the car and practically cut it off of me. Yeah, no sex that night. I just couldn't stand the idea of her going down on me and me having to say, nevermind the heat rash or that it smells like a sewer down there, really, it's ok! yeah...no.
After my experience at the seminar and thinking about how gender is a major issue in my life since I present as a butch, gender isn't the only big issue in my life. The other major issue is fat. I am fat. Not just oh I could use to lose a few pounds, no I am fat. I am the kind of fat where I think about can I fit in that seat comfortably? I shop exclusively at Casual Male XL for jeans because it's the only place where I can find pants that fit. I am struck by how much the rest of the world doesn't take fat into consideration when they talk about sex and sexuality. This might astonish some people but I have a pretty active sex life and not just because I am a Dom and a Sadist. On the other hand, I know that my sex life would be even more active if I could get over certain things, like my fears around packing and strapping it on.
I want to be able to strap on my cock with confidence and go to town with my girl. What would it take to do that exactly? Well, from the seminar, practice. Practicing at home with a pillow, wearing my cock around the proverbial house so it's easy to get on and off, etc. However, for the fat person, more thinking has to go into this like what positions are going to be the best for this? Ironically, it's not a me on top position. More than that, you have to think about how long are you going to be wearing your cock? If it's going to be a couple of hours then I have to think about talc or some other body powder to be used in the groin to keep everything dry and copacetic. In the seminar, the suggestion was to wear layers of underwear like a pair of briefs, then the strap on, then a pair of boxers. I suppose this is a good idea IF your body is not fat and shaped like mine. On a standard pair of Y-fronts, the Y is more towards my navel than my crotch. Clearly, that idea is not going to work for me which means that using powder is going to be the best bet which in turn means that she is NOT going to be going down on me until after I have had a shower. Spur of the moment play isn't going to have this issue but still.
In my experience, sex can be a lot of good spontaneous fun but if you want to do anything with toys or what not, having some forethought is valuable. This was also talked about in the seminar and it bears repeating. Having toys/lube/condoms/etc nearby and easily accessible is worth it if you want to be using those implements. I wish I used my toys more often. I wish I had more confidence about using them. It's hard enough I think for people who are in shape but throw in the fat factor, which expects people like me to not only be asexual but also teaches us that my body is disgusting, and sometimes it feels like it's all I can do to say hi to a girl.
DATE ADDED: 2010-10-17 14:30:03
ITEM TYPE: Document
CITATION: Anonymous, "Fat Pack," in HACKGENDER, Item #79, http://hackgender.org/items/show/79 (accessed June 19, 2013).
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